ISTP Relationships
How ISTPs Flirt
First, in analyzing ISTP relationships, let’s look at how ISTPs flirt. Like all things, ISTPs approach flirting pragmatically. It’s not a skill they have naturally but they learn to be better as they gain experience and observe others. They watch what works with others and how people respond to them and adjust accordingly. Often, if the ISTP is not sure how they feel about a person, they can be very hard to read. However, once they decide if they like someone or not, they look for an opportunity to act quickly. ISTPs hate to waste their time. If they’re not interested in someone, they’ll cut the conversation short and remove themselves from the situation as quickly as possible. However, if they do like the person, they’ll do everything they can to move things forward. ISTPs frequently have a hard time judging whether someone likes them or not. So, they’ll look for plenty of signals. Once they have enough, the ISTP acts immediately and directly. They are extremely direct people. Although they enjoy flirting and sexual tension, they would rather not play games or beat around the bush. They like to tell the person directly about their interest, why they like them, and ask them out. They will only take action, though, if it’s clear that the other person both likes them and is not going to take the action themselves. Their attitude is basically, well, someone has to do it so I guess it’s going to be me.
ISTP Signs They Like You
Typically, ISTPs don’t like most people and find many people annoying. So, if they find someone they do like, they hold on to them. If they like you, they’ll try to understand you and the way your mind works by asking thoughtful questions. They want to see your thought process and gather information to form a pattern of the type of person you are. ISTPs flirt with people by directly talking to them and making a lot of jokes. They use humor as a way to test how “cool” you are. Basically, they want to see if a person is too sensitive and they have to hold back with them. More so, ISTPs are mainly comfortable using the physical to flirt since they are more connected with their bodies than their feelings. They position themselves to be approachable, mirror the other person, and use body language and physical touch where appropriate. ISTPs pay special attention to their crush to the point of ignoring everyone and everything else.
When it comes to dating an ISTP, logic always comes before love. This type is extremely selective about who they choose to spend time with as they prefer to be alone most of the time. As a result, they can be difficult to get to know. So, we’ve put together a guide to dating the ISTP with our top 22 pieces of practical advice. Download now to start your journey to healthy relationships.
Signs An ISTP Likes You
If an ISTP likes you, the number one thing they will do is allow you into their introverted space. ISTPs are extremely territorial and greatly value their alone time and personal space. So, if they share that with you, it means that you not only don’t drain them, but give them energy. To them, you’re someone truly special. By sharing their introverted space, the ISTP will also share with you their expertise and hobbies. ISTPs often have skill sets that go unappreciated or unnoticed so having you appreciate them means the world to them and makes them feel seen.
Other signs that they like you:
- They help you fix problems you have. ISTPs excel at troubleshooting and love to be helpful. This is a love language for them.
- They surprise you with little gifts. ISTPs want to make you happy and do this by helping to take care of you. If they know you like a certain kind of tea or candy, they’ll bring it to surprise you.
- They let you into their dark/harsh truths. ISTPs are extremely logical and know that not a lot of people can handle the full force of their logic. If they share their thoughts with you, they are trying to get closer with you and are showing that they trust you.
- They invite you to do things with them. ISTPs do a lot of things alone. If they bring you along, they’re interested in you. Similarly, if they take an interest in your hobbies, they want to be close to you.
ISTP Dating
ISTPs are highly adaptable so they’re up for a lot of different kinds of dating experiences. It’s good to show them that you’re adaptable and adventurous too by sharing a new experience together and engaging with the world. Do something physically active and get outside in nature with them. If you’re further into dating and can afford it, you can even travel together to experience something new entirely while getting to know each other more deeply.
Besides having fun, ISTPs want to be able to engage their logical mind with you. You can engage their senses and their mind by finding a quiet place in nature or in a cafe with soft music and good coffee to talk directly. If an ISTP is serious about you, be ready for lots of one on one time and long conversations into the late hours of the night. They despise small talk but will genuinely care about how your day was and how you slept if they like you. Beyond that, ISTPs critically analyze everything they observe. Anything could spark off analysis and subsequent deep conversation for them.
When dating, ISTPs look for someone who is confident and interesting and who doesn’t drain them. People who are very emotional or can’t seem to control their emotions are draining for the ISTP. Similarly, they dislike attention and approval seeking behaviors and view people who do this as desperate and annoying. They also don’t like when people insert themselves into situations and conversations that don’t involve them. Conversely, confidence is highly alluring. Someone who does not need to seek validation outside of themselves catches the ISTPs attention. Then, their attention is kept by a person who is interesting and fun. ISTPs are drawn to those that have diverse interests, talents, and thoughts. Someone who is interesting and confident makes them want to learn more.
ISTPs on Dating Apps
ISTPs view dating apps as convenient but can spend too much time swiping and not enough going on actual dates. For them, there are just too many options with shallow profiles that don’t show if someone is worth getting to know. ISTPs are highly selective in who they give their attention to since a lot of interactions drain them. So, if someone doesn’t appear especially interesting, they move on. However, that person might have been great for them. It’s just that being forced to have the same types of conversations with new people over and over is too boring and tiring so they don’t spend enough time to find out if someone is more interesting. Thus, it can be hard to get an ISTP out of the house and on an actual date. They need to be sure that they’re not going to be drained by the person.
TypeMatch is designed with ISTPs in mind because it helps them find people who are compatible and breaks down a personality analysis of why they’re compatible. This way, the ISTP can know who they should actually try to get to know. This way of dating is more efficient and less draining for the ISTP and allows them to connect with people who naturally understand how their minds work. Try TypeMatch today by downloading the free app.
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ISTP Approach to Relationships
The essential aspects of an ISTP relationship are direct communication, honest evaluation of the self, and a willingness to fix problems together. ISTPs look for someone who has a great capacity for truth. Afterall, they have to be able to handle the full force of the ISTPs logic and analytical mind. So, ISTPs put a lot of stock in how you solve relationship issues together. They are not idealists in love. They know that conflict is going to happen. But it’s how you approach the conflict that makes the ISTP decide to stay or leave. They want to get to the root of problems in relationships and fix them. Basically, ISTPs approach relationships like a machine. When the machine is broken, they want to troubleshoot for the specific component that is broken and fix it. As such, they have no time for people who are unwilling to dig into the problems to fix them. Conflicts are not a time for emotional outbursts but for cool headed analysis. If the problem cannot be fixed because the other person is unwilling to try, the ISTP will leave. Relationships are difficult for them because they have to deal with other people’s feelings. They only want to engage in handling the feeling of someone that they not only care deeply about but respect.
As much as they need their alone time (and they need a lot of it), ISTPs crave deep connection. For them, that connection comes from sharing interests and activities, and sharing their logic and sense of humor. They are physically active and love to be playful. They like to spend their weekends rock climbing or going to an interactive art exhibit with you to engage with the world together. When it comes to their sense of humor, nothing is off limits. Everything is up for questioning and joking. ISTPs keep a small circle, but the people they like it’s not uncommon for them to talk on the phone for hours, even all day. As such, ISTPs approach their time with people as either all or nothing- they are completely present with you and talk for hours or they ignore you entirely.
Also, because ISTPs hate to waste their time or miss opportunities, they typically don’t get into relationships unless they are serious and see a future with the person. They want a partner in life that they know they can trust with their future. ISTPs envision a life of experiencing the world together and, with them, you can be sure that they’ll keep things interesting. They need a lot of freedom but they give it in return as well. They hate feeling obligated or guilted and never want you to feel obligated to them in any way. That doesn’t mean that they won’t be supportive though. ISTPs strive for growth in a relationship and in their personal life and want to support you in doing the same.
When it comes to emotions, ISTPs aren’t great at expressing them but don’t mistake that for not having them. They simply show their emotions in situations and with a person that they feel safe doing so. They don’t want anyone to force them to empathize or show their feelings. Moreso, they feel comfortable sharing with people who don’t ask them about their feelings but respect and accept their logic. ISTPs don’t like when others latch onto their feelings so it’s best to let the ISTP come to you with them, share what they want, and then leave it be.
Furthermore, they are turned off by people who are overly emotional and volatile. ISTPs dislike chaos, especially emotional chaos. People who need a lot of emotional attention drain them quickly. This doesn’t mean that they don’t care. For those that they love and respect, they can be extremely empathetic and responsive. However, they want to see that if a person is upset about something, it makes sense and they’re doing something about it.
Overall, ISTP relationships focus on building a life with someone and they look for someone with great integrity that they can trust to be a mutual builder with them. They make their partner a great focus of their lives since they keep a very small circle and are extremely selective and private. So, if they choose you and bring you into their world, you’re truly special and they want to work to maintain that connection.
More Resources for ISTPs
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